Magiskt Vinterlandskap*** Winter Wonderland

Det var en fantastisk syn att komma hem till ett Sverige i snöskrud. Så vackert med alla adventsljusstakar och juldekorationer. Max yttrade de endaste ord som behövdes yttras när han och Per mötte mig på flygplatsen: "Mamma, jag drömde om dig, massor. Jag ville att allt skulle vara som vanligt. Du skulle komma hem, din cancer skulle var borta och min diabetes skulle aldrig ha kommit. Det skulle vara som det var innan det."
Ja, käraste barnet mitt. Jag kan bara hålla med. Mamma är hemma igen iallfall.
Tillbaka i verkligheten igår eftermiddag fick mig att inse hur viktig denna resan var för mig. Jag har fått möjlighet att ta hand om mig. Den lilla rädda flickan har dessutom helt och fullt blivit omhändertagen av andra. Avskedet med familjen Thornton var hemskt och jag grät hela flygningen över Atlanten. Så fort jag blundade forsade tårarna, folk runtomkring mig blev vana vid det till slut. Jag sov ingenting, vilket medförde att jag sov riktigt gott hemma i min egen säng inatt.
Jag kan inte tacka er tillräckligt, underbara Thorntons! Jag vill att ni ska veta att ni är kanske inte är min familj via blodsband, men dock helt och fullt via hjärta och själ. I love you!
***
It was an amazing sight to step off the plane into a Swedish Winter Wonderland. Extremely beautiful and somewhat magical to see all the Christmas lights and decorations up. Max said the only thing necessary when he and Per picked me up:
" Mum, I dreamed a lot about you. I wanted everything to be as it always has been.
You were supposed to come home, your cancer shouldn't be there and my diabetes should never had happened. Everything was supposed to be just like it was before all that."
Well, my wonderful baby boy. I couldn't have said it better myself. But at least mummy is back home again.
Back into reality yesterday afternoon made me fully realise how important this trip has been for my personal well being. I have had an opportunity to look after myself. The little, scared girl has been fully pampered and taken cared of.
The saying good bye part to the Thornton Family was awful and I cried all the way over the Atlantic. As soon as I closed my eyes the tears kept on coming, the people around me got used to it in the end. I didn't sleep anything at all, in a way I guess that was good because I slept really well in my bed at home last night.
I can't thank you enough, wonderful Thornton Family! I want you to know that you might not be my family by blood, but you are definitely and fully my family by heart and soul. I love you!

Emotionell***Emotional

Tararna kom till slut. Trodde jag skulle lyckas halla dem borta dessa tva veckorna. Hela familjen var samlad i koket idag efter att aven Erik- aldsta sonen anlant, sadan gladje och massor med positiv energi. Da rullade de salta sma dropparna nerfor kinderna... De senaste natterna har jag dromt konstiga drommar, alla med ett och samma tema- avsked. Som jag har sagt innan ar jag inte radd for att do langre, men livradd for att behova ta avsked av dem jag alskar. Drommarna ar starka och valdigt svara att ignorera. Det ar klart att tankar om att cancern ar tillbaka dyker upp.
Men for att inte bli galen valjer jag nog att tro att allt handlar om att jag ar omringad av fantastiska manniskor aven har som alskar mig och bryr sig om mig sa valdigt mycket. Jag vet att hemresan narmar sig och att avskedet denna gangen kommer att bli sarskilt svart.
Dock lever jag for dagen och imorgon ar det Thanksgiving har. Jag ar valdigt tacksam for alla de underbara manniskor jag har runt omkring mig- bade har i USA och hemma i Sverige. Sa, sa manga har verkligen anstrangt sig extra for mig och min familj detta aret. Ni betyder allt for mig och ni har min vanskap och karlek for evigt!
***
The tears arrived. I thought I would manage to keep them away during this vacation. The entire family was gathered in the kitchen today, after the arrival of Erik, the oldest son. It was such a joyful moment filled with lots of positive energy. That is when my tears decided to enter the stage... The past few nights I have had strange dreams about saying goodbye. I've told you before that I am not afraid of dying anymore, but I am terrified of having to say goodbye to everyone I love. My dreams are very real and difficult to ignore during the day. Of course they lead to thoughts like "does this mean the cancer is back?".
But to be able to keep my sanity I choose to believe that they occur because I am surrounded by amazing people that really loves me and cares about me. I know that my journey back home is coming closer and that the "saying goodbye" this time will be harder than ever before.
Now, I do live for the day and tomorrow it is Thanksgiving here. I am very grateful for all the wonderful people in my network- both here in the US and in Sweden. You have walked that extra mile to help me and my family this year. You mean everything to me and will forever have my friendship and love!